Connecting.....

Why is it that it seems like every time I have a good time with someone... be it family, friends, friends of the family, hookers, homeless people, random people on the street, stray dogs, crazy, old, bag ladies, etc, that I have the tendency to say "This was fun, we should do it again!" and somehow, it doesn't happen until the next event and I say it again, as if I don't see the cycle that continues.

It should be a hallmark greeting, or the back of a business card, the standard "hello, this was fun, please schedule this again". Every time, I think, this REALLY was fun though, and I enjoyed this, we should do it more often than once a year or once a few months. I have to assume that the reciprocating sentiment coming from the other side of the conversation is as genuine as the one I express, and yet, it is only at celebrations and tragedies that we really get together with people.

What happened to "We should fill our lives with the love of those around us." We try. We open our house and home to everyone. We invite everyone over, we cook, we throw events, and even then, it seems so difficult to have a steady connection with the people that we say "This was fun.... lets do it again".

One of two possibilities occurs:

1. People really are this busy. No one has the time to get together on a weekend, share some stories, laughs, reminisce about the old days, and to make new memories.
2. Others are not as genuine as I am when I like someone. They say they would like to get together, but they are just being polite, and as soon as I am out of ear shot, "I like you" changes to "Thank God they are gone".

Maybe this is the year. This is the year to make MORE effort to get together with people. This is the year to not have excuses, and to make it happen. Yeah, we are busy, everyone is, but what is the point if we can't enjoy it?

Enough rant for now... But if anyone wants to hang out... ;)

A Personal Statement

So the school I am applying for my PhD requires a million pieces of paper for admisson, as I eluded to in a previous post. Besides the 2 letters of referrence, a Curriculum Vitae, official transcripts and a letter of financial security, they also require a "Personal Statement" essay. According to what I can find on the web, this should be a 2 page essay about "me". But it should create a certain amount intrigue on the school's part.

There are so many things that this personal statement should NOT be about, I can't figure out what the hell to write about. Every time I look at the document, I write some setences about me, that are disconnected from the rest of the theme, save and move on. Too bad they can't take a bulleted list of things I can do.

Yoga is a cult

For all of you thousands of readers who read my blog on a daily basis, chomping at the bit for any little tidbit of new information about my overly exciting life, I was recently talking with a friend of mine who is into the art of yoga.

When she started, it was for health reasons... to gain strength, composure, exercise, etc. Then there was the dieting and eating 'yoga friendly' foods, and the cutting out of meats, dairy and such. At some point this typical behavior turned crazy, and cult like. Now before you start writing to your congressman to have the Internet police raid my house and remove my computer, hear me out...

They revere their yoga instructors as if they were gods. The believe that only through self-torture can they achieve the enlightened ability to contort their bodies in to strange and unnatural poses. They get up at some stupid hour like "sunrise" and all face east (sounding cult-like yet?) and perform some type of yoga ritual to say "hello" to the sun (as if the sun give a shit about it). They are devoted to practice, so much so, that the only time they don't practice is on the new moon.


Let that sink in.



The new moon.

I asked my friend to hang out and go for drinks one night, and the answer was "let me check the lunar schedule". Now I fully understand that there are lots of definitions of cult, and while the hale-bop cult, Waco, and the polygamy cults are more recognized, I think we should intervene with these Yoga nuts before they lock themselves in a room and start contorting each other...

Education, part two

So I have decided on my Ph.D.  I have decided that I absolutely want to do it, and to go after the "brass ring".  I have submitted my application, and the TON of associated paperwork to Pace.  The degree is a Doctor of Professional Studies in Computing (DPS, Computing).  

The interesting thing is that I have been asked "why" I am going for my doctorate degree.  I can't say that I have a good, compelling reason that everyone understands.  In fact, my best reason is "just because", or "because I am not done yet".  I feel like I am on a roll, and don't want to stop, knowing that if I do, I probably will not start again.  At this point, I feel like school is something that I should be doing, and when I have a break between classes or between degrees, I feel kinda empty, like I have all of this idle time that isn't being used.  Most people would take the opportunity to relax, build something, go on vacation, etc.  I read.  I read everything I can get my hands on.  I learn on my own.  I have become OBSESSED with learning everything.  

I am also looking forward to publishing work that is my own, and to be able to advance my ideas in the computing industry.  I constantly feel like I struggle against every organization I work for, pushing for the ideals in computing that make sense.  The use and adoption of technology for the purpose of automation and solution provision, and not because it is easy, fun or "cool and shiny".  Not all problems can be solved with bits and bytes, but complex business processes can be automated so that time is not spent on  the repetitive tasks, the menial tasks, but instead, value is what drives technology adoption, and not Microsoft, or Dell.   l

But enough of that for now.  Wish me luck!

The deadly flu

For years I have resisted the flu vaccine. I always believed that it is not worth the hype to get a vaccine that may or may NOT prevent you from getting a specific strain of the flu. With my luck, I would get the vaccine and get the flu that year. So in order to avoid frustration and disappointment in the system, I never got the shot... and last week I got the flu.

For those of you who have never had the full blown flu, let me be the first to say, it is not a picnic. When my fever was at 103.5, I thought I was going to die. Advil every 4 hours kept it below 102 from that point forward and in a few days the symptoms subsided and I started to feel better. Here is the kicker though:

It has been 2 days since I had the flu, and simple tasks such as stairs wipe me out. The road to recovery is long I assume and not as simple as it was when I was younger.

Skiing - If I knew it was this easy....

Several weeks ago I was invited to Vermont to go skiing with some friends for a week. Upon careful consideration (all 2 seconds of it) I agreed, even though I knew that I hadn't been skiing more than 5 or 6 times in my life, and most of them were days of me repeatedly doing the easiest trails.

Getting on the skis I realized that I knew how to stop (snowplow) and to turn (lean on the opposite foot). The rest of me remained vigilant to be as uncoordinated as possible so that anyone within 10' of me might get a ski pole in the eye, or a ski in their rear.

The folks I went with turned out to be avid skiers, taking on the most challenging runs without a care in the world and because the mountain was fairly empty, (not too much danger to others), I decided to challenge myself and follow along. If I wrote a diary in retrospect, here is what it would look like:

DAY 1
We skied on SugarBush today. These people are crazy. I fell a lot, and am amazed at the idea that nothing is broken after my myriad of cartoon-like falls with skis and poles in all directions and a giant snow ball threated to grow with me in the center and crush the base lodge. At the end of the day I am hot, tired, sore and sweaty. It was fun, but I don't understand how other people do it so easily.

DAY 2
We skied at Stowe today. Stowe it tuns out is much more technically challenging that SugarBush, and the fact that my legs are so sore that they refuse to cooperate makes my task daunting at best. There must be a better way. Then... some advice on how to make it easier by my expert skiing companions. By the end of the day I am relying solely on technique because my muscles are on strike. Mentally I think I get it, but physically I can't do it yet.

DAY 3
Woke up this morning and knew exactly how Pinnochio felt when he became a wooden boy. Nothing works. The crew is going up to Jay Peak near Canada. I bid them farewell, for my best bet is to sit by the fire and rest.

DAY 4
I left my companions to travel South to Killington to meet up with my brother-in-law and some other friends for a birthday. I am still unsure of my skiing technique since it is all in my head but not in practice yet. I get on the mountain and suddenly it feels like I was born with skiis on! I am flying down the intermediate trails and even end up on an advanced black diamond trail. It is not *too* hard. Haven't fallen all day. I'm even being adventurous and going over jumps at high speeds.

DAY 5
A week later I travel up to Jiminy Peak, MA for a day trip of skiing. Conditions are terrible. The entire mountain is iced over. There are high winds and no snow to speak of. Perhaps I should have rented ice skates. Regardless, after a morning of diving down the intermediate trails, I try for the black diamond trail, which is the mountain face. (If you can call Jiminy Peak a mountain). Other than the entire run being a long sheet of ice and my skis being as dull as logs, I did OK.

Next stop? back to Vermont to keep up with the friends who taught me how to ski in the first place!

Losing Weight - a constant task

So it seems that here in my 30's, my metabolism is feeling quite lazy. From my prime youth, like most people where I could eat anything I wanted and never gain a pound, I have in fact gained weight. About 2 years ago, I blew up to the extraordinary weight of 206lbs. I went on the Nutrisystem diet and lost about 25 lbs, ending eventually around 180 lbs. I was moderately happy about my progress and vowed to never gain that kind of weight again.

Now I am at 215lbs, and feel like I am starting all over again. While I know that I can lose the weight (using Nutrisystem again), the real source for my concern is in how quickly I gained back the pounds. In my head I felt that I "could eat anything again" or that "I could always lose the weight just as I did the first time". I went from 4 meals a day to 1 large meal consisting of a cheeseburger, fries, and a milkshake, or Chinese food and enough of it to feed a family of 4 with a dog. The irony is that if you ask me how to lose weight, I will tell you. Drink a lot of water, eat 4 or 5 small meals a day consisting of no more than 250 calories eat. Eat healthy grains such as rye, whole wheat and pumpernickel. Avoid sugary foods, especially as a meal. (Donuts are not breakfast). Most importantly, do something to exercise. It doesn't have to be a new regiment to run 5 miles each morning, or train for a marathon. I should be something simple to start - take the stairs instead of the escalator, get off the subway 1 stop early and walk the distance, or make a habit of doing something you have put off.

But all of this knowledge didn't help me keep the weight off. Why? Because I, like most people, am particularly bad at following the advice I know is best for me. I assumed that if I got back to over 200lbs, I could and would do something about it. While that is true, I should have been setting more realistic goals, such as if I gained 10lbs to do something about it. Maybe not even to lose them, but to stop the weight gain. But it is difficult to combat the onslaught of marketing, psychological mass-media appeal of "make Americans fat" foods, eating out in restaurants (all of which have individual portion sizes that could be cut in quarters and still be more than enough). But difficult is not impossible, and that is my new motto.

So the plan?

• Lose the weight again.
  
• Set smaller goals to maintain the weight.
  
• Be more conscious of my own rules of eating and how different they are from America's view of eating.
  
• Be conscious of my own weight and my metabolism rate.
• Be more active.